Written after seeing Shaun Majumder and during his act he quoted this title and said it would make a great country song.
Lyrics
Car Poolin’ to Heaven with Jesus
V1: I wuz walkin’ down the ole railroad track
when I had my last heart attack
I thought at first I’s just coughin’ up some phlegm.
Heading t’wards the setting sun
Thinkin’ ‘bout all the good I’ve done
keepin’ our kids safe from all of them
from all the dykes and queers, ya know,
from them whose skin ain’t white as snow
from them who worship gods I know ain’t real
Then all at once, when I looked up,
here came a fuscia pick up truck
and damned if Jesus wasn’t at the wheel.
Chorus: Now I’m car poolin’ to Heaven with Jesus
finally gettin’ just what I deserve
Yes I’m car poolin’ to heaven with Jesus
away from all the commie lovin’ pervs
Hang on a sec, this can’t be right.
You shoulda turned left at the light
“Sweet Jesus, are you lost?”, I heard me say
But I’m car poolin’ to Heaven with Jesus
and I’m pretty sure that Jesus knows the way.
V2: He smiled and said, “Don’t worry, son.”
“I’ve got a few more on this run
that I must pick up too,
so don’t you frown.”
“There’s lots like you whose live’s’ve been spent
in hate., even a president.
But don’t you worry. I know where you’re bound.
and Jesus said, “My Daddy said, Son
here’s a list. When they’re all dead
you pick them up and show them all the way.”
And then he winked and smiled and said, “In fact,
we’re on exactly the right track.”
Then winked at me’n said, “By the way, I’m gay.”
Repeat Chorus
V3: Now I was so relieved to see
the other ones looked just like me.
No pinkos, tans, or deviates allowed.
That went a ways to ease my mind
to ride along with my own kind,
but shouldn’t we be heading towards the clouds?
A God-fearer like me, you know
wouldn’t tell the Lord which way to go.
I told myself “Don’t open your big mouth.”
‘Cause who am I to judge, at all
It’s strictly my sweet saviour’s call (if)
instead of heading north he’s heading south.
Repeat Chorus and out....